


The One Where Laf Gets a Roommate

by haloburns



Series: so no one told you life was gonna be this way [1]
Category: Friends (TV), Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, F/M, Friends AU, Gen, M/M, Modern AU, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, coffee shop AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-12 20:34:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7948126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haloburns/pseuds/haloburns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John runs from his wedding and meets the squad in a coffee place. Alex is depressed about his divorce, but he still has a crush on John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Part Where John Shows Up

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been sitting in my drafts f o r e v e r but with a few friends to help me iron out the details I AM READY. This is going to follow the vague format of the first episode, but after that, the only thing that's going to happen that's the same is the title being "The One ..."

Central Perk was the best coffee shop in New York. The coffee was mediocre. The atmosphere was okay. But the people were great. And James let them get away with a lot. There was a god-awful orange couch that looked like it belonged in a Victorian house, but it was well worn and comfortable to sink into. A green chair that half-matched the ugly couch sat off to the side, always the first to be claimed in the shop. Pillows were placed on the couch but often thrown at people (James). The coffee shop seemed to be cluttered and mismatched, but it was perfect.

What made it perfect was the people that occupied these ugly seating arrangements. A tall person that was neither masculine nor feminine with a mass of curls gracefully took up two spaces, their grin brightening the cozy atmosphere. Next to them sat a girl who seemed innocent, but could kill you and get away with it and never think about it once the rest of their life. On the arm of the couch, and receiving glares from James, was a built guy who cracked jokes that no one laughed at but that everyone rolled their eyes fondly at. A girl who looked like she’d gotten into more trouble in her life than any normal person should, sat across a chair, leaning against the back of it, who looked more focused on her sandwich than her friends but was still a part of the happenings.

* * *

“So I’m back in high school,” he starts, now sitting on the ugly couch. “And I’m standing in the middle of the cafeteria and I realize I am totally...naked.” The group chuckles and agrees.

“I’ve had that dream,” the tall person next to them says, giggling slightly.

“Then, I look down and I realize there is a phone...there.” A pause ensues, and the sandwich girl asks, “Instead of…?”

“That’s right!” he responds intensely, earning laughter from the wicked fierce girl, who's sat on the floor making origami on the big coffee table in front of them.

“Never had that one happen,” the tall one murmured, trying to suppress more laughter behind a drink of coffee.

“Then all of the sudden, the phone starts to ring!” he says, the pitch of his voice rising slightly.

“The phone. The phone is RINGING!” sings sandwich girl, collapsing into giggles, earning fond eyerolls usually saved for the storyteller.

“And it turns out, it’s my _mother_ .” Another pause as the group shares wide-eyed looks, keeping comments to themselves for now. “Which is very, _very_ weird because…” and everyone agrees it’s weird because your mother is calling you from your penis-phone. Freud would have a field day with that.

“She NEVER calls me.” They laugh and the conversation moves on as rain moves in outside.

* * *

“Hi,” someone says morosely from behind the couch. He’s holding an umbrella in his hands but is soaked to the bone.

“Are you okay, _mon ami_?” The tall person turned around, grabbing the morose guy’s hand from where they're sitting on the couch.

“I feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it outta my mouth and wrapped it around my throat.” He moved to stand beside the stocky guy, who held up a plate for his gloomy friend.

“Cookie?” he asked unhelpfully. When he received no answer, he went about eating the cookie while attention shifted back to their soaking friend.

“Eliza moved her stuff out this morning,” the French person explained. Everyone nodded in acknowledgment. They got up to get coffee for the new divorcee and he settled next to the fierce woman.

“I’m fine, really, guys, don’t worry. I hope she’s happy,” he said as if trying to convince himself.

“No, you don’t,” sandwich girl said, a plate of cookies and muffins in front of her, not looking at her friends.

“You’re right. To hell with her!” he said, fiddling with the umbrella in his hands. “She left me,” he added vehemently.

“And you never knew she was a lesbian?” the fierce woman asked, raising an eyebrow. Obviously, she hadn't gotten the memo.

“No, y’know, it never really came up in conversation,” he dead-panned, fixing his sarcastic friend with a look. “ _She_ didn’t know. How was _I_ supposed to know?”

Putting her muffin down, the foodie turned to look at her sad friend.

“Alright, Alex, look. You’re in a lot of pain right now. You’re angry, you’re hurting. Can I tell you the solution?” she asked, leaning in conspiratorially. He nodded, cueing her to go on.

“Strip joints!” she said matter-of-factly. When Alex sat back heavily, rolling his eyes, she threw her hands up. “Oh come on! You’re single now! Have some fun!”

“But I didn’t _want_ to be single, okay?” he said, looking at the umbrella in his hands, fiddling with the handle.

“And that means you can’t have fun?” the terrifying girl next to him said.

“I want to be married, I _liked_ being married. I just want to be married again...” Alex looked down at the coffee cup in his hands, tears forming slightly in his eyes. He missed Eliza already.

There was a loud _bang_ as Central Perk’s door slammed open and a guy ran in, obviously wearing a wedding tux. ( _“How is that a wedding tux?” “Mon amie, you are, ‘ow you say,_ clueless _."_ )

The whole group sat up straight and the stocky friend waved his hand magically towards the door. “And I want a million dollars!” His friends rolled eyes and waved hands dismissively at him, as the tall charismatic one stood, moving closer to the frantic would-be groom.

“John? _John_?” The person named John turned around to face the French person, relief flooding his face, tears following.

“Lafayette! Oh, Laf, I just went to your building and you weren’t there and I’m so glad you’re here,” he gushed as he leaned in to hug his best friend, even though John was just as soaked through as Alex. Laf turns around, looking for some form of help, catching Theo's attention.

“Can I get you some coffee?” Theo asks, catching Laf’s eye.

“Decaf,” they mouth, pointing at John as they lead them towards the ugly couch. Everyone shifted to make room for John on the couch as Laf made introductions.

“Everybody, this is John, another Yorktown High survivor. This is Hercules,” they said, pointing to the stocky guy, who smiled kindly at her. “And Angelica.” The fierce lady smiled and waved at John. “And Peggy.” Sandwich girl looked John up and down appreciatively before waving. "And you remember my foster brother, Alex, right?” Alex stood to the side, holding the umbrella in front of himself, looking awkwardly at anything but John.

“Sure, yeah!” As John moved forward to shake his hand, Alex’s hand slipped and the umbrella popped open, creating a barrier between the two of them. Disheartened, Alex sank onto the couch, take a long drink of his coffee. John settled onto the couch between Alex and Laf. There was an awkward pause as everyone looked at the soaking groom expectantly.

“So, you want to tell us now, or are we waiting on four wet groomsmen?” Angelica asked, her eyebrow raised expertly. Though the sarcasm would generally be biting, now it was simply prompting.

“Oh, god. Well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. We were standing in the room with all the presents and I was looking at this gravy boat, of all things, when I realized--” John was interrupted by Theo handing him his coffee, to which she received no response. “That I was more attracted to this gravy boat than I was to Martha! And then it hit me: I’m gay. I mean, I always knew that I wasn’t attracted to women, but I thought that maybe I just didn’t find the right one! Anyway, I just had to get out of there. I started wondering ' _Why am I doing this and who am I doing it for?'_. So anyway, I didn’t know where to go and." John turned to Laf before continuing, "I know we drifted apart, but you were the only friend I knew who lived in the city.”

“Who wasn’t invited to the wedding,” Laf said flatly, though their eyes showed sympathy, knowing why John couldn’t invite them. John smiled sheepishly and looked down, taking a sip of their now lukewarm coffee.

“Could I borrow your phone, Laf? I need to call my dad and explain everything." Everyone noticed the thought filled John with dread, but no one commented.

“Anything for you, mon ami.” Without speaking, the group of six stood and made their way back to Laf’s apartment across the street.


	2. The Part Where You Find Out Everyone's a (Lovable) Asshole

In the apartment, while John paced back and forth on the phone, the group sat watching a Korean soap opera, trying to decipher what’s going on. There were various ideas thrown out, the current one being: “Okay so I think he just bought her that organ and she’s _really_ not happy about it,” Herc said as if he knew he was right. They were trying to pretend to drown out the drama behind them while actually listening intently.

“Father, I just can’t marry her.” Angry male voice. “I'm sorry, I don't love her.” Angry judgemental voice. “Well, it matters to me!” Though they were pretending not to listen, they all turned around at the pain in John's voice. John paced away from them and they quickly turned back to the TV, where another character was being judged on style by Laf.

“She should _not_ be wearing those pants,” Laf said snobbishly, sniffing delicately. On screen, she was talking to the man who supposedly bought her an organ. Peggy got bored, throwing in her opinion of murder (" _Not murder! Just slight maiming!"_ ).

“I say push her down the stairs,” Peggy said, leaning up from the couch in Laf’s apartment. There was loud Korean arguing happening on screen, and if Peggy knew soap operas, which she did, she knew that this argument would lead to murder. Soon, this cry for violence was taken up by all members of the apartment, save one.

“Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!” the five of them chanted at the TV eagerly. They clapped as their wishes were granted, moving on to talk of other things. Alex walked into the kitchen to get a drink from the fridge. He stopped by the fridge to listen more closely to John.

“Father, listen. It’s like everyone has always told me: ‘you’re straight, you’re straight, you’re straight, you’re straight!’ and then today I stopped and said, what if I’m not straight. What if I’m gay? Father, the whole point is that I’m done being what people tell me to be.” Everyone turned around to look at John as his voice rose; fear coloured Laf’s delicate face; because they knew that John's dad was less than tolerant of non-straight people.

“Look, Father, it’s _my_ life--” He was cut off by his dad again, which John responded to with defiance, “Well maybe I’ll just stay here with Lafayette!” Laf’s friends turned to look at them for a decision. to which he nodded.

"And the jury has come to a conclusion. Jury?" Laf rolled their eyes, nodding that, yes indeedy, John would now be their new roommate.

“Looks like John’s staying with Lafayette,” Herc said, a little surprised at how easily Laf accepted John as their new roommate. They tuned back into his conversation, worried more than intrigued.

“Well, it’s my decision. Maybe I don’t need your money, Father.” John paled and slowly removed the phone from his ear. “I said maybe,” he told them weakly, his voice cracking. He sank into one of the mismatched kitchen chairs, pain evident across his face, the phone cradled in his hands. Lafayette helped him move to the couch, telling him to breathe. Hercules stood to make room for John on the couch, relocating to the kitchen table.

“Maybe this is a good thing, dear John. Independence, taking control of _your_ life,” they said gently, trying not to shake up John anymore.

“And, if you ever need _anything_ , you can always come to Peggy,” Peggy said with a sexy grin and a blown kiss. Herc rolled his eyes from his place at the kitchen table. “Me and Herc live right across the hall and he’s away a lot,” she added suggestively.

“Margarita! Stop hitting on him! He just ended his relationship!”

“What, like there’s a rule or something?” she said, waving her sandwich around. Still, she moved back to the table with Herc, who elbowed her. There was a buzzing from the intercom, prompting Herc to go over and plead with them to stop the horrid noise.

“ _Uh, it’s Charlie?_ ” the voice responded.

“Oh! Let him up, let him up!” Laf said, hopping up.

“Wait, wine guy Charlie, Charlie?” Alex said, nudging their arm.

“Maybe?” Laf didn’t look anyone in the eye, but you could see the elation on their face.

“Your ‘not a real date’ is with ‘Charlie the wine guy’?” Peggy asked, slightly accusatorially.

“He finally asked you out?!” Alex side hugged his friend, smiling. There were celebratory noises all around, with the unclaimed snide comment of, “This _is_ a ‘dear diary’ moment!” (It was Angelica, let’s be real.)

“John, wait. I should cancel.” They stood, unsure of what to do. While they had been waiting on Charlie to ask them out _forever_ , John was their friend and he needed help.

“Please, no! Go, go ahead. Don’t let me ruin your night,” he insisted, his voice half an octave too high to be normal.

“Alex, are you okay?” Tonight was a bad night for couples in this squad, and Laf felt guilty leaving two very important people in their alone with bleeding hearts. “I mean, do you want me to stay?” Alex seemed to deliberate before looking at the cup in his hand with hesitation.

“That’d be good…” he said sullenly.

“Really?” They tried to keep the disappointment from their voice. Alex needed them so they would get over missing their date it was really--

“No! Go, it’s Charlie the wine guy!” Alex pushed his friend towards the door gently, grinning from ear to ear. Laf moved to answer the door, stopping to take a deep breath before pulling it open.

“Charlie this is…” Laf turned around to see his squad standing behind him. “Everybody. Everybody, this is Charlie!”

“Charlie the wine guy!” the all said in, what is assumed to be unison, but they were off with John saying ‘wine guy’ half a beat after everyone. His ears turned red, freckles standing out on his face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t seem to catch your name,” Herc wise-cracked. “Charlie, was it?” They rolled their eyes and asked Charlie in to sit while they finished getting ready.

In the lull of conversation, Alex stood beside John.

“So what are you doing tonight?” He asked, picking at his fingers awkwardly.

“Well, I was supposed to be going to Aruba on my honeymoon… So nothing!” he said with a dry chuckle. Alex opened his mouth but shut it again. He couldn’t get a feel for how John was taking this. The ending of the marriage was probably for the best, but John just came out and got disowned and his fortune taken from him. Alex couldn’t gauge his reaction yet.

“If you don’t feel like being alone tonight,” he said into the thickening silence, “Peggy and Herc are helping me put together my new furniture.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Alex began mentally berating himself. _No one cares about your furniture._

“Yes, we’re _very_ excited about it,” Herc said impassively, his mouth twitching to keep a smile from it.

“Actually, thanks, but I’m going to hang, read: mope, here tonight. It’s been a long day, y’know?” he said, moving to the couch.

“Hey, Ang, you wanna help?” Peggy asked Angelica. She turned from her place at the sink, looking Peggy in the eye.

“I would, but...I don’t want to,” she said. Peggy responded with a middle finger.

* * *

Back at Alex’s place, Alex was reading the IKEA instructions with growing frustration.

“I’m supposed to a… brackety thing to the side thingy, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing. I see no worm guys whatsoever. I cannot feel my legs.” He stood slowly from his crouching position while Herc and Peggy gave him an odd look from the bookshelf they were assembling.

“What’s this for?” Peggy asked, holding up a piece of metal.

“No clue.” At Herc’s helpful answer, Peggy stashed it in the houseplant nearest them and announced the status of the bookshelf: complete. Alex returned from the kitchenette with a beer in his hand, tears gathering in his eyes.

“This was Betsey’s favourite beer. She drank it straight from the can.” He looked imploringly at his friends, mischief wavering there. “I should have known.”

“Alex, honey, let me ask a question. She got,” Peggy started ticking off things on her fingers, “the furniture, the stereo, the good TV. What did you get?” Alex took a drink of the beer before looking up at his friends.

“I got you guys,” he said warmly.

“Oh my, God,” Herc said, making a face.

“You got screwed, my man Ham.”

“Thank you two for your unwavering support. Assholes.”

* * *

 

Leaving John alone was probably a bad idea. He was currently pacing the apartment calling Martha. For the fifteenth time.

"Martha, Martha I’m so fucking sorry. I know you probably think this is about the peanut butter being kept in the fridge, it’s really not. It’s about me. And I--” He grunted in frustration as the phone cut off his voicemail again. He angrily redialed the number and continued.  
  
“The machine cut me off _again_. Anyway, it’s about me being gay, Martha.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> six minutes in the episode left! these chapters (bc im literally writing the episode) r a lot of words!!
> 
> thanks so much for such immediate support!!!
> 
> as always, hmu on writingatnight--runningoutoftime.tumblr.com


	3. The Part Where Life Sucks

The next morning, Peggy and Herc sat at the breakfast table as John sat two cups of coffee down excitedly.

“I’ve never made coffee before in my life! This is amazing!” he exclaimed, much happier now.

“That is amazing,” Hercules said with an extra dose of sarcasm for the early birds.

“While you’re at it, if you feel like making a bacon and mushroom omelet…” Peggy said while taking a drink of her coffee. Unfortunately, the coffee didn’t last long and the plant got their morning dose of coffee too.

“On the other hand, I’m not really hungry,” Peggy backpedaled quickly. Behind John’s back, she gagged silently at Herc, who nodded sympathetically.

“Bonjour,” Laf said as they emerged from their room. They were greeted with a chorus of mornings all around before Charlie emerged. That round of “morning” was full of a few elbow nudges--but only in speech of course.

Laf saw him out, standing in the hall, door still open. To see, and hear better, Herc and Peggy picked the table up and moved it, and their chairs. Before anyone could make a snide comment, Laf said, “Shut up and put my table back.”

After the furniture was rearranged again, Herc stood and stretched.

“Well, I have to get to work. If I don’t input those numbers… It doesn’t make much of a difference.” The cynicism was glaringly obvious and Peggy and Laf chuckled as Herc leaned against the counter, obviously in no hurry.

“So, like, you all have jobs?” John asked, pleasantly surprised. 

“ _ Oui _ , we all have jobs. See, that’s how we buy stuff,” Laf explained without being too harsh.

“Yeah, see, I’m an actor,” Peggy boasted, leaning back in her chair.

“Have I seen you in anything?” John asked, genuinely interested. 

“Uh, I doubt it. Mostly, regional work.” She waved her hand nonchalantly, basking in the attention.

“Unless you happened to see the Wee One's production of Pinocchio,” Laf commented off-handedly as they folded themselves neatly into the chair, orange juice in their hand.

“Look, Gepetto, I’m a real live boy!” Herc said with an affected whimsical voice.Peggy slammed her hand on the table.

“This is bullying,” she told them, wagging her finger as she moved towards the door.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Herc said. There was a fraction of a second where it seemed sincere. And then he pranced from the room singing, “Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy!” and disappeared into the hall. Peggy closed the door in defeat after him.

“Are you okay today?” Laf asked John, thankful for the quiet in their apartment. “Did you sleep okay? Did you talk to Martha? I’m sorry,  _ mon ami _ , I cannot stop smiling.”

“You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth,” John said, smiling back. Laughing, his friend covered their face and they gushed for a while.

“Oh!” John said before Laf walked out the door for work. “Wish me luck!”

“What for?” They raised one eyebrow, a confused smile in place.

“I’m going to try to get one of those job thingys,” John said, looking proud of himself already.

“Alright, John. Good luck and I’ll see you later.” 

* * *

After work that day, Laf made their way to Central Perk, needing a pick-me-up after the day they’d had.Their friends talked about their days and passed around sarcastic comments like a flask of liquor (on the sly and with much grinning). At one point, Peggy ended up on the floor for hers.

John rushed in as Peggy stood up, dusting herself off.

“Guess what?!” he exclaimed.

“You got a job?!” Alex said hopefully from his chair.

“Are you kidding! I’m qualified for  _ nothing _ !” Tears threatened, his throat constricting. “I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.”

“Dude, I’m so sorry,” Peggy said quietly, rubbing John’s arm. 

“Welcome to the real world,” Herc said with false bravado. “It sucks.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!! yall r great
> 
> writingatnight--runningoutoftime.tumblr.com


	4. The Part After the Credits

Central Perk was busy one day later that week and they were all sitting around, doing their usual thing. A familiar voice found its way over.

“Would anybody like more coffee?” The group looked up to see John holding a coffee pot in his hand and Peggy eyes it skeptically. 

“Did you make it or are you just serving it?” Herc asked while Peggy gave it the eye.

“I’m just serving it,” John said in a confused voice. There was a round of “yes please”s that followed. John frowned a little, in a cute way, before sitting down.  
  
“Kids, new dream: I’m in Las Vegas and I’m Liza Minelli,” Herc starts, setting his coffee down without taking a drink from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -cues end credits-
> 
> you know where to find me!! thanks for the immense immediate support!! i promise ill try to keep writing more if you keep motivating me! send me antics ud like to see to my inbox at writingatnight--runningoutoftime.tumblr.com!!

**Author's Note:**

> TELL ME WHAT U THINK hmu at writingatnight--runningoutoftime.tumblr.com!


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